POEM: Frissons

POEM: It's been said once

Doctor Pressure: 4 ways to go easy on yourself and still get shit done

How is it July already?! More than half way through the year and already so much has happened. Firstly, I can't believe I haven't blogged in almost five months (my bad!) but in my defence, I've changed job and country, so it's safe to say that I've been somewhat preoccupied.

I'm back in the UK, Manchester to be exact, and loving it so far, but getting to this stage wasn't easy and it certainly wasn't quick. I left Berlin in March, moved back in with my parents for almost two months and only ever got out of the foetal position to eat the contents of my parents' fridge. Using my parents' house as a kind of "life rehab", I shut myself off from the world for a while and took time to re-group, recover, figure out what it is I wanted and generally get my shit together a little bit. 

Returning from the glittering promise of the life I worked hard to achieve in Berlin, I felt embarrassed, defeated, and a bit lost. It wasn't what I expected, it wasn't the life I wanted and when you have your mind set on something for so long and then it turns out to not be what you thought it was... it can leave you a little bewildered. I'm my own worst enemy, I am hard on myself and mercilessly beat myself up over the smallest mishaps. But this time, instead of convincing myself that happiness and success might just not be in my future, I took it easy for a while. I took stock of my successes, I realised that my life really wasn't that bad, that I'd actually had a pretty good life so far and I'd achieved quite a bit. And so, I dusted myself off and launched myself back into the world. How did I do that? How did I train my mind to change tracks like that? How do people "take it easy" and yet still grab life by the balls? Well I can only tell you how I did it and hope it helps someone in some way. Let's do this. 

POEM: In rooms.

2017: Settling Dust // A New Frontier

And so, here we are. A new year, a new chapter, a fresh start. I went through a lot of change last year, personally and professionally, and already this year the dust has begun to settle and I'm starting to see more clearly. I'm starting to not necessarily "feel" like myself again but perhaps, I'm start to get back to knowing who I am and what I want again. Last year I took some big steps, made some rash decisions, some good, some bad, but each one taught me something. Better to have lived and learned, right? 

Being caught up in a whirlwind of social media beef, terrorist attacks, natural disasters and flagrantly discriminatory politicians (not to mention presidents-elect) can take its toll on the ol' outlook on life. It's easy to feel down, and to stay down. It's easy to feel suffocated. But it's vital that we remember that above the clouds, the sun is always shining. 

2016 wasn't a great year for the world at large, but it was a pretty great year for me. My boyfriend and I took a leap and not only moved in together but also moved to Berlin together. I've developed a lot as a person, I feel that I've matured so quickly through my twenties, each year I look back and barely recognise the me from the previous year. Continually surprised by how far I've come and how much can change in twelve short months. 

In order to "live in the moment" you first need an understanding of how you got to that moment. So much happened last year, too much perhaps, and only now, with the brutal gift of hindsight are we able to look back and take stock of exactly where we are and how to move forward. 

7.5 life lessons after 7.5 years in London

Three months ago, after seven and a half years in London, I left. With nothing but a laptop and a suitcase of clothes, I flew to Berlin to start a new chapter in my life. Last week marked three months to the day that I arrived in Berlin, not a milestone by any means, but the gravity of it has made me somewhat homesick for the past week or so. When I lived in London, I rarely got homesick. It was still Britain, everything was familiar, I had friends, and I knew that if/when any pangs for the green, green grass of home kicked in, I could jump on a train or a coach and be home in under three hours.  

This homesickness however, is different. Home is now a two hour flight then a three hour drive away, and because of that, I've been reflecting a lot on my time in London - the good, the bad, the incredibly ugly, but also the rewarding, the educational, the life-affirming and character-building things that have undeniably shaped and formed who I am today. 

I was a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed 18 year-old from the Welsh valleys when I arrived in London, having never been away from home for longer than a week. Yes I was terrified, but my fear was overruled by excitement. I left London a more confident, determined and self-secure 26 year-old, and I can confidently say that I'd be a completely different 26 year-old now had I not done it. 

So with that in mind, (and seeing as I'm in a reflective mood) I thought I'd tell you a little of what I learned in that time. Whether you currently live in London, used to live there or are planning to live there, or any city really - I hope this is of some use! 

Adapt To Survive

So here I am again, back in Wales and working in retail. I'm still not quite in a position to be able to intern, or even move out of my parents' house, as I am yet to find a landlord willing to accept dreams and smiles as rent payment, so I'm doing what I can until my career gets back on track, and oddly, I'm enjoying it. 

Long Distance

"Missing someone gets easier each day because even though you're one day further from the last time you saw them, you're one day closer to seeing them again."

We need to talk. Look, this long distance relationship with London... it's.... it's not working. I need at least a brief conjugal visit soon. Very soon. I can't take the sleepless nights of frustration that I'm not there, I can't take my constant state of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), is it missing me as much as I'm missing it? How long til I see it again?!

Ok so I might be being slightly dramatic about all of this,

Suburgatory

So after four years, I have left London. Due to financial reasons (or rather, a lack of finances) I have returned to south Wales as a 22 year-old graduate and am currently living with my parents again.

Take A Sip

For those of you who are always thirsty for more, don't forget to check out my Tumblr.

http://romanticallyjack.tumblr.com/

Life is somewhat hectic at the moment and I find myself updating that more often.

Enjoy my sweets.

Valentine's Day 2011

This is my 20th consecutive Valentine's day alone and there have been times when I've thought that I wouldn't love again, but I know that's not the case. Some people never get over their first love, but everyone, in their own time, learns to love again. And I know I will... eventually. (It's been recently proven that I'm actually not that great at taking my own advice).

To those of you who are in love, to those of you who are happy to be single, to those of you who may have a new love on your hands and to those of you who have been broken down and shattered by love and are optimistic that another great love is right around the corner, someone who will pick you up and put you back together again, I sincerely wish you all a very happy valentine's day.

Mourning Jacket

I'm currently mourning the loss of a leather jacket of mine which I wore on almost a daily basis. In a drunken state I thought it was perfectly acceptable to leave said jacket on the night bus home. Some other (perhaps slightly more sober) passenger got very lucky that night.

In any case, new year, new leather jacket and so the search for a new one begins!

Any tips?

Happy New Year

Welcome to 2011 everyone! I sincerely hope you've all had a lovely holiday season and that this year will be sufficiently better than the last.

My main new year's resolution was going to be to forget that the past 12 months had even happened, but it's useless even trying. On reflection I wish to take last year and learn from it, from all of my mistakes and from other people's mistakes and not to focus on the negativity in my life but to celebrate what's positive about it to ensure that 2011 is well... fucking fantastic. Along with getting a decent job and bettering my physique, changing my way of thinking and overall outlook on life is definitely something I'm going to concentrate on this year. I put too much pressure on myself, I worry too much. I complain about being stressed but I'm often the one that's making me so stressed! I'm 20 years-old and I often think like a middle-aged man. I'm going take someone's advice and stop taking things so seriously, stop thinking so much and take a big fat dose of optimism... and then maybe happiness will find me.... and you!

What are your resolutions?

A Good Investment

Every decision we make in life is an investment into our future. Whether it be buying a house or even choosing what to have for dinner, we are pre-empting what will be best for us at some point in the near or distant future. When our financial situation is less than desirable, (which, if you’re in fashion, it probably is) we quickly learn to prioritise, we make allocations and allowances – buying those shoes means I won’t eat for three days, going on that night out means I can’t go on that one, we ask ourselves “Is it worth it?”. When life gives us boundaries, we make the best of our options, we decide what would ultimately be best for us.

The same goes, or at least should go, for love. We have to be wise with our investments. I often get criticised for not ‘living in the moment’ people tell me all the time to not let the future worry or concern me, I’m young, I’ve got my whole life ahead of me, the world is (apparently) my oyster, so why trouble myself in questioning whether the person I’m dating, is my lobster?* Why not enjoy it for what it is, when it is?

My argument remains the same. Why get preoccupied in something that has a sell by date? Why get caught up in a relationship that’s doomed from that start, one that you can already see the end of? When starting a new relationship, isn’t being blissfully unaware of how long it’ll last or where it will take you, half the fun?

In a conversation about an ex of mine, a friend said “Yeah he’s fabulous now, fun, seemingly care-free, but he isn’t a good investment”. Until very recently I never fully understood what they meant by that, now I realise. Living for the moment can only be a temporary state of mind, no matter how secure someone may seem now, there will come a time when there will be a sudden realisation of their lack of achievements, friends, prospects, or whatever they have considered to be ‘accomplishments’ actually amounting to... very little. The people they consider to be friends aren’t actually very good to them at all. Surely these worry-free creatures must stop and think “Where is all this going?” Maybe even once or twice? At some point in life we will all have responsibilities.

Consider the lifestyle you see yourself with in the future, does the other person in your life fit in to this lifestyle? Could they ever be a part of it?

When choosing someone to share your life with, even if only for a short while, we must ensure that we will as good for them as they will be for us. I’m not saying we need to be concerned about the future, we don’t need that nibbling away at the back of our minds, living for the moment afterall is refreshing and liberating. What I am saying is when you invest feelings in a new relationship, be wary that your stocks won’t plummet. This isn’t about getting something out of a relationship, or using someone for personal gain, it’s about emotional security. Knowing that you’re not wasting your time.

On one hand I want to urge you all to not waste your time on something that doesn’t seem like a worthwhile investment just because it seems “fun while it lasts” but on the other hand I want to tell you not to let the future pre-occupy your mind and distract you from what’s important right now. If you concentrate on the future too much, the present can pass you by and you may miss some unbelievable opportunities.

I wish I was one of these people that coasted through life and has the “Whatever happens, happens” outlook, but I just think about things too much. Maybe that’s what I should try. I should relax. Jump at every chance I get and not over-think situations. Throw caution to the wind. It seems to work for everyone else. I’m not that kind of person.... but maybe I could be...

* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyvRjF0NBeM

Frost Bite and Respite

Hello everybody, Jack's back.

I do apologise for my (longer than expected) absence, I can't believe this is my first blog post in over a month! With university, house hunting (then eventually finding and moving in to a new flat without internet access) and then Christmas, I've been somewhat distracted.

I'm currently writing this from the living room of my parent's house, the house I was brought up in. In front of a roaring log fire (that I started - snaps for me!) and looking over the glistening snow-covered valley, it's apparently the coldest it's been here since 1982 and we had the coldest Christmas Day on record. It's pretty ridiculous. It's slowly becoming my goal in life to never see a winter and to just follow the sun around the world... or just move to LA. Having said that, I always find it comforting and humbling to come back here. A place to gather my thoughts, slow down and get some perspective on life. The perfect time and place to start writing again and to concentrate on myself!

Needless to say, I am throwing myself back into the blogosphere with lots of new material coming your way (mostly lifestyle posts as being out of the fashion loop for quite some time, I've got some catching up to do!)

I hope you've all had a spectacular Christmas and are all looking forward to New Year. Stay tuned for more regular updates. Lovelovelove.

Creative Outlet

Looks like I've found another outlet for the crazy in my head.

I now also have Tumblr. It's brand new so keep an eye on it -

http://romanticallyjack.tumblr.com/

Must we all be chameleons?

In relationships, sacrifices must be made, some compromises need to be reached. Perhaps a slight tweak of your music taste, a certain shirt that your other half considers to be particularly hideous might never see the light of day again (at least when they're not around) but should anyone really change themselves to make a relationship work?

We've all heard the line from a less than ideal partner when things aren't going very well, "I'll change!" well, what makes you think I want you to? So you change, we get together and then what? You resent me for making you lose touch with your former self? No thanks. Of course there are some relationships that will change you for the better, but we've all seen those God-awful dominating women, thinking they can shape their man into the type of person that they want them to be. Honey, it never works.

Some people are easily blinded by love. They see an imperfect person, perfectly, looking pass the flaws and letting the love become unconditional. As romantic as that may sound to some of you, it really is not healthy. It can sometimes be dangerous for a person (like me) who isn't entirely certain of their personal identity or a person who considers themselves to be a "chameleon" to enter a relationship, whether it be plutonic or romantic. I often find myself mimicking the way someone dresses, stealing a few songs from their itunes and even adopting similar eating patterns, perhaps in an attempt to impress the other person, to feign common ground or perhaps to prove to myself how adaptable I can be. I'm not saying I change my opinions or my personality, I'm talking about minor tweaks I have been known to make in the past. Having said that, I must also say that there have been a good few people who I've felt completely at ease with, wholly comfortable to be who I want and say what I want.

So do we have to change to make a relationship work? Yes, but only slightly.

Of course someone should love you for who you are, but it is only natural when welcoming someone else into your life that you must adapt and/or compromise certain parts of your personality (as should the other person). Some adjustments are necessary, just as long as we never, ever lose our sense of self. We don't want to become a clone of our other half, plus, agreeing on everything is quite frankly, mind-numbingly boring, and God forbid you become one of those couples that speak about themselves as though they are one entity "We love that restaurant", "We hate that film" I despair! Please remember that you are still two independent individuals and not two halves of a whole!

Embrace the change, be open-minded, be willing, be adaptable, be accessible and understanding, but always stay true to yourself, don't let anyone take that away, you've worked far too hard to shape who you are for someone else to come and break it down. Just be it, and you'll eventually find someone willing to do the same, someone worthy of having you.

Blogger's Block

"I'm a connoisseur of roads.

I've been tasting roads my whole life. This road will never end.

It probably goes all around the world."

Now I know I haven't blogged in a long while, to be quite honest this has merely been because I haven't had much to say. Between looking for a house, looking for a job, starting my second year at university and just downright enjoying myself, my life hasn't really been that eventful of late and I therefore haven't had much to report or comment on.

I often get like this. I consider myself to be rather introverted, always in my head, always thinking and yet now and then my fountain of creativity can temporarily dry up. Instead of posting meaningless crap and just generally cluttering up my blog, I would much rather wait until something comes to me, something of substance, something actually worth blogging about, rather than blogging for the sake of blogging (which far too many people are guilty of).

A very good friend of mine gave me some of the best advice I've had recently "You can go to all the parties and know all these fabulous people, but it doesn't pay the bills". Sane, simple, sound advice. Another acquaintance of mine mused "Go out as much as you can, meet as many people as you can and just work on getting yourself out there. These girls that go home every weekend to be with their boyfriends will get nowhere." Two very different pieces of advice, both of which I have to agree with. The message here is, that although making contacts and social events are vital, it is important to stay grounded, don't get too wrapped up in it all. Keep your priorities right - party your ass off, meet important people, but remember you have bills to pay and probably a mountain of other responsibilities.

Although I am a very sociable person, and consider myself fairly easy to get along with, I have often struggled to create really strong affinities with people. I've been mistaken for a social butterfly, a social climber, but in reality it's not that I'm flitting between friendship groups, I'm merely trying to find my way in the world, trying to figure out where (if anywhere) I fit in and in what kind of tribe of people I belong. Which to be honest, I'm really enjoying, I've met some incredible people and made some amazing friends along the way.

At twenty years of age I am still constantly learning about myself. Getting older is a constant education. I truly envy people who are so sure within themselves, they know exactly who they are, what they want and where they're going. I've always had a rough idea, but have never pinned down any specifics. Perhaps this has saved me from being even more overly-ambitious and setting myself up for disappointment, who knows?

There's plenty of things I'm not too sure about, but one thing I do know is that any day now, I'll know exactly who I am, what I want and where I'm heading. But right now, I'm just enjoying the ride.

Worth The Effort

The "Apples on Trees" theory has been circling the internet for quite some time, I have no idea who wrote or said it, I simply stumbled across it on someone's Facebook profile. It spoke to me, it really did resonate with me, it's pretty much what friends and family have been trying to tell me for months and I never really took much notice. Reading it in black and white however, the message came through loud and clear.

I related to it, not in an egotistical way, but because it is often how I feel about myself and I've never really been able to verbalise it in an eloquent and clear way. There was a time, not so long ago, when my opinion of a certain someone was far higher than any opinion I have ever had of myself... never again.

For those of you who have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, here is the "Apples on Trees" theory (aka the story of my romantic life thus far) :

"Boys are like apples on trees, the best ones are at the top. Other boys dont want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as nice, but are easy. So the apples up top think there is something wrong with them, when in reality they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree."

I'm worth the effort, and he'll be worth the wait.

Summer 2010

Being British I spend a large amount of time complaining how awful the weather is. However when it does improve I seem to spend that time complaining that there are far too many insects and people on the Earth and not enough beaches. Having said that, as a self-confessed sun-worshipper and welcome any form of summer with open legs. Especially in Britain.

This summer has been pretty incredible. I've got closer to existing friends and made so many new friends who I know will still be in my life in years to come. Good friends are hard to come by in the city, particularly in the fashion crowd and this summer has certainly been an eye-opener, I've learned a lot about myself and those around me. My biggest and most useful lesson has been to prioritise. As much as I adore my lifestyle, I didn't move to London to party and/or fall in love. I moved here with the intention of making something of myself, building a foundation, meeting people, carving out a career for myself and to start the journey towards becoming the man I have always wanted to be. I'm much more focused, determined and at peace now. With a few internships under my belt and more to come, this summer has been a constant education. I'm going into winter not only enveloped in chunky knitwear and cosy shearling, but also feeling stronger, more confident and more optimistic about the future than I've felt for... let's just say a very long time.

My trip to Egypt was good for me on so many levels. I needed to get away for a while, I needed good weather and good times and some worry-free time, which is exactly what I got. Escaping emotional and career drama and also the ongoing house-hunting drama, I was simply existing for 2 whole weeks. I returned to London relaxed, with a clear train of thought. I had gained a new perspective on things, new priorities, new goals and a new outlook on my path in life.

I'm ready to take on the world.

I just hope the world is ready for me.

My mantras this summer come from two of the most inspirational people to have ever graced the Earth.

Abraham Lincoln -

"The best way to predict your future is to create it."

And Lady Gaga -

"Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you any more."

Thank you to everyone who has made this summer so amazing and so memorable (next summer has a lot to live up to!) and thank you to those who actually take the time to read this blog. It does mean a lot. I put a lot of time and effort into it and try to be as open as I can without blabbling about every minute detail of my life. (Another thing I've learned this summer - albeit the hard way - is how to keep my mouth shut when necessary). With the fashion weeks drawing to a close and the new uni term starting in less than a week, this month feels like a second new year to me, a second chance for a fresh start. Let each year be even better than the last!

Here are some pictures from this summer. Some of me. Some of me with friends. Some are just pictures that have inspired, caught my eye or meant something to me over the summer of 2010.

And remember kids, don't be afraid to fuck up occasionally. Making certain mistakes could be the best thing to ever happen to you...