POEM: New alone.

POEM: Frissons

POEM: It's been said once

Doctor Pressure: 4 ways to go easy on yourself and still get shit done

How is it July already?! More than half way through the year and already so much has happened. Firstly, I can't believe I haven't blogged in almost five months (my bad!) but in my defence, I've changed job and country, so it's safe to say that I've been somewhat preoccupied.

I'm back in the UK, Manchester to be exact, and loving it so far, but getting to this stage wasn't easy and it certainly wasn't quick. I left Berlin in March, moved back in with my parents for almost two months and only ever got out of the foetal position to eat the contents of my parents' fridge. Using my parents' house as a kind of "life rehab", I shut myself off from the world for a while and took time to re-group, recover, figure out what it is I wanted and generally get my shit together a little bit. 

Returning from the glittering promise of the life I worked hard to achieve in Berlin, I felt embarrassed, defeated, and a bit lost. It wasn't what I expected, it wasn't the life I wanted and when you have your mind set on something for so long and then it turns out to not be what you thought it was... it can leave you a little bewildered. I'm my own worst enemy, I am hard on myself and mercilessly beat myself up over the smallest mishaps. But this time, instead of convincing myself that happiness and success might just not be in my future, I took it easy for a while. I took stock of my successes, I realised that my life really wasn't that bad, that I'd actually had a pretty good life so far and I'd achieved quite a bit. And so, I dusted myself off and launched myself back into the world. How did I do that? How did I train my mind to change tracks like that? How do people "take it easy" and yet still grab life by the balls? Well I can only tell you how I did it and hope it helps someone in some way. Let's do this. 

POEM: Jaguar Shoes

POEM: Peckham Flex

Take A Sip

For those of you who are always thirsty for more, don't forget to check out my Tumblr.

http://romanticallyjack.tumblr.com/

Life is somewhat hectic at the moment and I find myself updating that more often.

Enjoy my sweets.

Valentine's Day 2011

This is my 20th consecutive Valentine's day alone and there have been times when I've thought that I wouldn't love again, but I know that's not the case. Some people never get over their first love, but everyone, in their own time, learns to love again. And I know I will... eventually. (It's been recently proven that I'm actually not that great at taking my own advice).

To those of you who are in love, to those of you who are happy to be single, to those of you who may have a new love on your hands and to those of you who have been broken down and shattered by love and are optimistic that another great love is right around the corner, someone who will pick you up and put you back together again, I sincerely wish you all a very happy valentine's day.

A Good Investment

Every decision we make in life is an investment into our future. Whether it be buying a house or even choosing what to have for dinner, we are pre-empting what will be best for us at some point in the near or distant future. When our financial situation is less than desirable, (which, if you’re in fashion, it probably is) we quickly learn to prioritise, we make allocations and allowances – buying those shoes means I won’t eat for three days, going on that night out means I can’t go on that one, we ask ourselves “Is it worth it?”. When life gives us boundaries, we make the best of our options, we decide what would ultimately be best for us.

The same goes, or at least should go, for love. We have to be wise with our investments. I often get criticised for not ‘living in the moment’ people tell me all the time to not let the future worry or concern me, I’m young, I’ve got my whole life ahead of me, the world is (apparently) my oyster, so why trouble myself in questioning whether the person I’m dating, is my lobster?* Why not enjoy it for what it is, when it is?

My argument remains the same. Why get preoccupied in something that has a sell by date? Why get caught up in a relationship that’s doomed from that start, one that you can already see the end of? When starting a new relationship, isn’t being blissfully unaware of how long it’ll last or where it will take you, half the fun?

In a conversation about an ex of mine, a friend said “Yeah he’s fabulous now, fun, seemingly care-free, but he isn’t a good investment”. Until very recently I never fully understood what they meant by that, now I realise. Living for the moment can only be a temporary state of mind, no matter how secure someone may seem now, there will come a time when there will be a sudden realisation of their lack of achievements, friends, prospects, or whatever they have considered to be ‘accomplishments’ actually amounting to... very little. The people they consider to be friends aren’t actually very good to them at all. Surely these worry-free creatures must stop and think “Where is all this going?” Maybe even once or twice? At some point in life we will all have responsibilities.

Consider the lifestyle you see yourself with in the future, does the other person in your life fit in to this lifestyle? Could they ever be a part of it?

When choosing someone to share your life with, even if only for a short while, we must ensure that we will as good for them as they will be for us. I’m not saying we need to be concerned about the future, we don’t need that nibbling away at the back of our minds, living for the moment afterall is refreshing and liberating. What I am saying is when you invest feelings in a new relationship, be wary that your stocks won’t plummet. This isn’t about getting something out of a relationship, or using someone for personal gain, it’s about emotional security. Knowing that you’re not wasting your time.

On one hand I want to urge you all to not waste your time on something that doesn’t seem like a worthwhile investment just because it seems “fun while it lasts” but on the other hand I want to tell you not to let the future pre-occupy your mind and distract you from what’s important right now. If you concentrate on the future too much, the present can pass you by and you may miss some unbelievable opportunities.

I wish I was one of these people that coasted through life and has the “Whatever happens, happens” outlook, but I just think about things too much. Maybe that’s what I should try. I should relax. Jump at every chance I get and not over-think situations. Throw caution to the wind. It seems to work for everyone else. I’m not that kind of person.... but maybe I could be...

* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyvRjF0NBeM

Creative Outlet

Looks like I've found another outlet for the crazy in my head.

I now also have Tumblr. It's brand new so keep an eye on it -

http://romanticallyjack.tumblr.com/

Must we all be chameleons?

In relationships, sacrifices must be made, some compromises need to be reached. Perhaps a slight tweak of your music taste, a certain shirt that your other half considers to be particularly hideous might never see the light of day again (at least when they're not around) but should anyone really change themselves to make a relationship work?

We've all heard the line from a less than ideal partner when things aren't going very well, "I'll change!" well, what makes you think I want you to? So you change, we get together and then what? You resent me for making you lose touch with your former self? No thanks. Of course there are some relationships that will change you for the better, but we've all seen those God-awful dominating women, thinking they can shape their man into the type of person that they want them to be. Honey, it never works.

Some people are easily blinded by love. They see an imperfect person, perfectly, looking pass the flaws and letting the love become unconditional. As romantic as that may sound to some of you, it really is not healthy. It can sometimes be dangerous for a person (like me) who isn't entirely certain of their personal identity or a person who considers themselves to be a "chameleon" to enter a relationship, whether it be plutonic or romantic. I often find myself mimicking the way someone dresses, stealing a few songs from their itunes and even adopting similar eating patterns, perhaps in an attempt to impress the other person, to feign common ground or perhaps to prove to myself how adaptable I can be. I'm not saying I change my opinions or my personality, I'm talking about minor tweaks I have been known to make in the past. Having said that, I must also say that there have been a good few people who I've felt completely at ease with, wholly comfortable to be who I want and say what I want.

So do we have to change to make a relationship work? Yes, but only slightly.

Of course someone should love you for who you are, but it is only natural when welcoming someone else into your life that you must adapt and/or compromise certain parts of your personality (as should the other person). Some adjustments are necessary, just as long as we never, ever lose our sense of self. We don't want to become a clone of our other half, plus, agreeing on everything is quite frankly, mind-numbingly boring, and God forbid you become one of those couples that speak about themselves as though they are one entity "We love that restaurant", "We hate that film" I despair! Please remember that you are still two independent individuals and not two halves of a whole!

Embrace the change, be open-minded, be willing, be adaptable, be accessible and understanding, but always stay true to yourself, don't let anyone take that away, you've worked far too hard to shape who you are for someone else to come and break it down. Just be it, and you'll eventually find someone willing to do the same, someone worthy of having you.

Worth The Effort

The "Apples on Trees" theory has been circling the internet for quite some time, I have no idea who wrote or said it, I simply stumbled across it on someone's Facebook profile. It spoke to me, it really did resonate with me, it's pretty much what friends and family have been trying to tell me for months and I never really took much notice. Reading it in black and white however, the message came through loud and clear.

I related to it, not in an egotistical way, but because it is often how I feel about myself and I've never really been able to verbalise it in an eloquent and clear way. There was a time, not so long ago, when my opinion of a certain someone was far higher than any opinion I have ever had of myself... never again.

For those of you who have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, here is the "Apples on Trees" theory (aka the story of my romantic life thus far) :

"Boys are like apples on trees, the best ones are at the top. Other boys dont want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as nice, but are easy. So the apples up top think there is something wrong with them, when in reality they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree."

I'm worth the effort, and he'll be worth the wait.

Summer 2010

Being British I spend a large amount of time complaining how awful the weather is. However when it does improve I seem to spend that time complaining that there are far too many insects and people on the Earth and not enough beaches. Having said that, as a self-confessed sun-worshipper and welcome any form of summer with open legs. Especially in Britain.

This summer has been pretty incredible. I've got closer to existing friends and made so many new friends who I know will still be in my life in years to come. Good friends are hard to come by in the city, particularly in the fashion crowd and this summer has certainly been an eye-opener, I've learned a lot about myself and those around me. My biggest and most useful lesson has been to prioritise. As much as I adore my lifestyle, I didn't move to London to party and/or fall in love. I moved here with the intention of making something of myself, building a foundation, meeting people, carving out a career for myself and to start the journey towards becoming the man I have always wanted to be. I'm much more focused, determined and at peace now. With a few internships under my belt and more to come, this summer has been a constant education. I'm going into winter not only enveloped in chunky knitwear and cosy shearling, but also feeling stronger, more confident and more optimistic about the future than I've felt for... let's just say a very long time.

My trip to Egypt was good for me on so many levels. I needed to get away for a while, I needed good weather and good times and some worry-free time, which is exactly what I got. Escaping emotional and career drama and also the ongoing house-hunting drama, I was simply existing for 2 whole weeks. I returned to London relaxed, with a clear train of thought. I had gained a new perspective on things, new priorities, new goals and a new outlook on my path in life.

I'm ready to take on the world.

I just hope the world is ready for me.

My mantras this summer come from two of the most inspirational people to have ever graced the Earth.

Abraham Lincoln -

"The best way to predict your future is to create it."

And Lady Gaga -

"Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you any more."

Thank you to everyone who has made this summer so amazing and so memorable (next summer has a lot to live up to!) and thank you to those who actually take the time to read this blog. It does mean a lot. I put a lot of time and effort into it and try to be as open as I can without blabbling about every minute detail of my life. (Another thing I've learned this summer - albeit the hard way - is how to keep my mouth shut when necessary). With the fashion weeks drawing to a close and the new uni term starting in less than a week, this month feels like a second new year to me, a second chance for a fresh start. Let each year be even better than the last!

Here are some pictures from this summer. Some of me. Some of me with friends. Some are just pictures that have inspired, caught my eye or meant something to me over the summer of 2010.

And remember kids, don't be afraid to fuck up occasionally. Making certain mistakes could be the best thing to ever happen to you...

Coco and James

The wedding of fashion model Coco Rocha and British interior designer James Conran.

Elegance. Romance. Decadence. And a Zac Posen dress.

View a teaser video of the beautiful (if slightly OTT) ceremony here -

http://vimeo.com/13987793

Eclipse

"When you see her... Everything changes.

All of a sudden, it's not gravity holding you to the planet.

It's her... Nothing else matters."

Jacob Black

I'm not crazy about the Twilight saga, but my inner teenage girl did swoon ever so slightly over that line.

Latest Girl Crush: Bryce Dallas Howard... preferably blonde.

Oh, and I've just discovered comedian Tim Minchin - Genius.

Look into it.

Too early unknown and known too late.

"Is love a tender thing? It is too rough,
Too rude, too boist'rous; and it pricks like thorn."

Haven't really had much time to blog the past few weeks, I've felt very uninspired and have been deep in thought for the majority of the summer so far, there's always something for me to think about and things tend to all come at once. But I'm back after a brief sabbatical.

This week, a very close friend of mine was endlessly complaining about her lack of luck when it comes to love. Over coffee and a bagel she seemed defeated, emotionally drained and not her usual optimistic, heavily ambitious self.

Pretty, intelligent and in her mid-twenties she has endlessly blamed herself for her misfortune, particularly her previous relationship which ended.... not so well. I, and other friends have told her time and time again, that it's not her but that she has consistently fallen for unreliable, inadequate and frankly rotten men.

It has always amazed me how one man can dent someone's ego and make such an effervescent character, doubt herself. After a lengthy conversation, evaluating all her past relationships she sighed, looked me dead in the face and said "I give up. I'm giving up on love."

Now, anyone who knows me well enough will know that I'm a romantic. Even though I too have been through hell and back with love, I have never given up. There have been times when I've felt inadequate, when I have doubted myself, who I am, what I am, what I do, my abilities and my lifestyle but I would never close myself off entirely to the prospect of falling in love.

I agree that you should never rely on someone else for happiness, or too complete you, even Diane von Furstenberg said "The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself, because no matter what happens, you will be with yourself forever". But falling in love can be fabulous. But a word of caution - the person you fall for, may not be.

There is no instruction manual or survival guide, and it often comes along when you least expect it, but know that when in love we often see pass the flaws and see an imperfect person as a flawless being. Always be self-aware. Accept that you don't choose to fall in love, you can't control it, and you (unfortunately) can't choose who you fall in love with, but the worst thing you can do is ignore it. Keep a good head on your shoulders and don't get swept away.

From every experience, good or bad, there is something to be learned, you may not understand the lesson now but in time you will look back and be thankful for that lesson.

Hindsight is my arch nemesis, "If only I knew then what I know now" has become somewhat of a catchphrase for me, but you have to make mistakes in order to grow and progress. Everyone's been through heart ache. Always remember that you're not the only one. Be romantic, but control your imagination. Be optimistic, but always realistic. Don't dismiss love, but don't go looking for "The One" either, just open up, be brave, be shrewd and never ever give up.

The Gospel According To Gaga: Part I

"I'm a hard girl, loving me is like chewing on pearls."

"Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you any more."

"I'd sooner die than have my fans see me out of a pair of heels."

"A glamorous life is quite different to a life of luxury. I don’t need luxury. For years, I was practically broke but I was still very vain and glamorous. And I still am."

"I'm from New York. I will kill to get what I need."

"US Weekly putting me on the worst dressed list? I don't care. If Karl Lagerfeld called me an ugly hag, then I'd be upset. Because it's Karl Lagerfeld."

"I'm just trying to change the world, one sequin at a time."

♥

Cardboard Love

I recently stumbled across the website cardboardlove.com and I've become somewhat addicted. Both innocent and romantic the charming little notes left by the creator for their partner are simple and so endearing . On making the website they say "In general, I am a pretty negative person. This project has been a chance for me to focus on the positive for a change." - a mantra that highly resonates with yours truly.

Here are some of my favourites from the website -

The start of something new.

In September of 2009 I moved to London (for the second time) to study Fashion Public Relations at the London College of Fashion.

After a.... turbulent few months I have found myself at a standstill.

I got swept away pretty badly, pretty quickly. I had relationships that weren't good for me, and was part of a social scene that wasn't exactly the healthiest. I completely lost my sense of self. I have therefore, decided to document my progress, kind of a road to recovery. I have also decided to dedicate this blog to sharing my two greatest passions in life - fashion and love.

I have realised recently what is truly important in life, who and what I need. I feel that with my recent epiphany, I am on the brink of something positive. Too much shit has happened to me the past few years and I can just feel something good on the horizon which is why I think now is a good time to start a blog, something I've been meaning to do for quite some time.

I'm just another hot mess trying to get back on track.

Wish me luck.

Jack.