POEM: Frissons

Doctor Pressure: 4 ways to go easy on yourself and still get shit done

How is it July already?! More than half way through the year and already so much has happened. Firstly, I can't believe I haven't blogged in almost five months (my bad!) but in my defence, I've changed job and country, so it's safe to say that I've been somewhat preoccupied.

I'm back in the UK, Manchester to be exact, and loving it so far, but getting to this stage wasn't easy and it certainly wasn't quick. I left Berlin in March, moved back in with my parents for almost two months and only ever got out of the foetal position to eat the contents of my parents' fridge. Using my parents' house as a kind of "life rehab", I shut myself off from the world for a while and took time to re-group, recover, figure out what it is I wanted and generally get my shit together a little bit. 

Returning from the glittering promise of the life I worked hard to achieve in Berlin, I felt embarrassed, defeated, and a bit lost. It wasn't what I expected, it wasn't the life I wanted and when you have your mind set on something for so long and then it turns out to not be what you thought it was... it can leave you a little bewildered. I'm my own worst enemy, I am hard on myself and mercilessly beat myself up over the smallest mishaps. But this time, instead of convincing myself that happiness and success might just not be in my future, I took it easy for a while. I took stock of my successes, I realised that my life really wasn't that bad, that I'd actually had a pretty good life so far and I'd achieved quite a bit. And so, I dusted myself off and launched myself back into the world. How did I do that? How did I train my mind to change tracks like that? How do people "take it easy" and yet still grab life by the balls? Well I can only tell you how I did it and hope it helps someone in some way. Let's do this. 

2017: Settling Dust // A New Frontier

And so, here we are. A new year, a new chapter, a fresh start. I went through a lot of change last year, personally and professionally, and already this year the dust has begun to settle and I'm starting to see more clearly. I'm starting to not necessarily "feel" like myself again but perhaps, I'm start to get back to knowing who I am and what I want again. Last year I took some big steps, made some rash decisions, some good, some bad, but each one taught me something. Better to have lived and learned, right? 

Being caught up in a whirlwind of social media beef, terrorist attacks, natural disasters and flagrantly discriminatory politicians (not to mention presidents-elect) can take its toll on the ol' outlook on life. It's easy to feel down, and to stay down. It's easy to feel suffocated. But it's vital that we remember that above the clouds, the sun is always shining. 

2016 wasn't a great year for the world at large, but it was a pretty great year for me. My boyfriend and I took a leap and not only moved in together but also moved to Berlin together. I've developed a lot as a person, I feel that I've matured so quickly through my twenties, each year I look back and barely recognise the me from the previous year. Continually surprised by how far I've come and how much can change in twelve short months. 

In order to "live in the moment" you first need an understanding of how you got to that moment. So much happened last year, too much perhaps, and only now, with the brutal gift of hindsight are we able to look back and take stock of exactly where we are and how to move forward. 

7.5 life lessons after 7.5 years in London

Three months ago, after seven and a half years in London, I left. With nothing but a laptop and a suitcase of clothes, I flew to Berlin to start a new chapter in my life. Last week marked three months to the day that I arrived in Berlin, not a milestone by any means, but the gravity of it has made me somewhat homesick for the past week or so. When I lived in London, I rarely got homesick. It was still Britain, everything was familiar, I had friends, and I knew that if/when any pangs for the green, green grass of home kicked in, I could jump on a train or a coach and be home in under three hours.  

This homesickness however, is different. Home is now a two hour flight then a three hour drive away, and because of that, I've been reflecting a lot on my time in London - the good, the bad, the incredibly ugly, but also the rewarding, the educational, the life-affirming and character-building things that have undeniably shaped and formed who I am today. 

I was a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed 18 year-old from the Welsh valleys when I arrived in London, having never been away from home for longer than a week. Yes I was terrified, but my fear was overruled by excitement. I left London a more confident, determined and self-secure 26 year-old, and I can confidently say that I'd be a completely different 26 year-old now had I not done it. 

So with that in mind, (and seeing as I'm in a reflective mood) I thought I'd tell you a little of what I learned in that time. Whether you currently live in London, used to live there or are planning to live there, or any city really - I hope this is of some use!